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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Peeg24/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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It's 4 in the morning and I can't get to sleep.
So Dylan, good morning. I hope you slept soundly.
Well fuck, he woke up.  Then he asked "what you doing?"
Then went back to bed, and the snores were exuding.
Isn't it odd that he woke at the instant
I typed out a greeting to him that was meant
To be sent in the future, but came at the present?

Small things of this kind hold for me a significance.
A connection.
A bond that is vigorous.
A bond that exists on a whole other plane
Between people so different but still much the same.
Sometimes we steal thoughts from the other one's brain
And know what is meant before it is explained.
I guess now we're telepaths?
It's something.
It must be.
It can't be.
It might just be nothing.

All I know is last night I had finished the wine
But I've had such an urge
For words and for writing.
An urge not worth fighting,
Uncomfortably binding.
There's so many feelings that need some describing.

I want to express these feelings so matchless
For words to describe.
Confusing to process.
But it's something so great,
Something giving of life.
How can I articulate
What my love is like?

I smile so much over things that are simple.
I smile so wide, you can see both my dimples.
My face aches from laughter.
Sometimes I can't breathe.
Sometimes I can feel that I really am me.
Sometimes it's like safety with no more defenses.
It's like being weak, but without the expenses.
It's like you bring warmth to me when you come close.
You've managed to beckon me out from the shadows.
The comfort you bring is like soaking up sunshine.
It's like being pulled from an assembly line.
You gave me the new parts I wanted to be
And now I can scrap all that shit that was shitty.
It's like I'm rebuilding and growing my soul.
And now I have hope that someday I'll be whole.

At first I felt bad that I woke you last night.
But then when I woke, you were there by my side.
I opened my eyes to see you were facing me
Sleepily grinning. Looking. Embracing me.
I've changed who I am.
And it might be the Prozac.
But maybe I'm happy
Because you love me back.
Gladly enough, you mentioned the next day
You slept very well, as I hoped you would anyway.
So again, I bid you good morning, my dear.
And I wanted to say that I'm happy I'm here.
What are these feelings that seem so unnatural,
Yet so instinctual.
When we're together it seems clearly obvious,
But when I'm alone it's unbearably dubious.
You say you don't love me and ask me to get away.
Your needs are met, and mine stifle into decay.
It's just a pattern of mine, always discontent.
Maybe I'm picky and not so resilient.

He likes to touch me in ways that you fail to do,
But would I miss it if I finally got to you?
Or maybe the problem is what I'm deprived of
By being too caring and not selective enough.
I could take a chance to find out what's been missing
In hopes that you'll show me. Dear God, I'm insisting.
But how many times can I throw myself on to you?
Another rejection would sever my heart in two.
He's always been here, but you've never had a shot.
If I can leave him, can you be the things he's not?

This. Shit. Terrifies me.
I can't let him down again
But. What. If. You were He?
The One. My future husband.
Can. You. Take me for me?
After the way I crushed you?
I. Guess. We'll wait and see.
These things I've put you through.
I. Am. Mentally busted.
Please mind the warning signs.
My heart cannot be trusted.
But I fell for you.
I fell for you.
I love you,
You don't love me too.

We fight. And I push you away.
It's obligatory.
Inside, I'd like you to stay.
Don't leave me.
Please, don't leave me.
I've made my bed, and I'll lie.
But I can't ask you to.
Yes, I deserve the shameful strain,
But I never meant to hurt you.

You bring joy in all my pain,
And I can never repay you.
I have so much I could gain
If I'd just let you in,
But so much has happened.
And I'm waiting here...
And you're waiting there...
And he's waiting here...
And she's waiting there...
It's too much to bear.

Can we figure it out
Or will the chance be missed?
Can we get over the doubt?
And will we ever kiss?
I planned to open my mouth,
My arms, and spread my lips
But your brought her to my house
And I lost my grip.
My footing slipped.
My heart was broke
And it's not been fixed.

Poor things.
Oh, what a mess I've made
Poor things.
Let's end this escapade.
Poor things.
I've fucked things up again.
Poor things.
The time is coming when
I can tell the truth
And pick my route
And hopefully
It leads to you.

But maybe
None of you are this crazy,
And I'm the only one that can save me.
I guess I'll see who's left waiting.

Poor things.

I drink gallons of wine and sift through terror every night
To make myself sleepy.
Not the best of therapy.
The irony,
It's guaranteed
And maybe mostly creepy.
It's depressing. It seems distressing
But it doesn't bother me.
Numb stimulation happening
In love with the TV set
And trying to self-medicate
With bullshit on the internet.

And I still think of that idiot,
The one that liked my ass.
Still expecting a rendezvous
Mostly accidentally
Or on the street
Or anything at all.

Every fucking distraction cannot
Stifle these thoughts from coming
So my head's in a fantasy
When instead
I should be running.
Same old stresses, the second guesses.
Same old scum.
Getting drunk and later feeling dumb.
It's easy enough to put a phone down.
Happy with a ghost town.
Nobody's out there looking for an anti-social clown

But I
Still wait for that guy to come
And make my heart beat like it did.
The one that's able to say so much
By seldom saying anything
Or doing much of anything
At all.

Better pick yourself up.
You're acting like a slut
And getting more ridiculous
The more you try to cling onto
These things that do not want you.
It's getting treacherous,
My darling,
You keep running off the people that
Like you when you seem different,
Like a person they could like.
But then you say too much,
And bat your eyes
And show your insides.

But I
Still wonder if I could show him
Those things he liked so much.
There's still sides of me that's exciting,
But maybe you can't see the best
Because I showed you all the rest.

I've got tits and ass.
I've got sins and class.
I've got skill.
I make people feel the way I feel.
But love is never equal
And I've got another sequel
For the people with an interest
To stick around and see what's next
In this life that's not mine
Because I want you all the time.
Oh, yes.
He is just the best
And I'm in a trance
With a dumbass who won't get inside my pants.

There was a boy who had stopped
Just to look at me.
But it was different.
The man
Left me trembling.

Something amazing has happened
To me today.
I would have told you
But you don't care anyway.

And I can't seem to make myself quit.
I'm obsessed with things I cannot have
And he won't give a shit.
And I wonder when reality will sink in.

Hey bitch,
Great tits.
Your wish is my command.
Get what's deserved.
You're better--
Then he's sitting there across
And I'm just a loss
Drowning in silly feelings.
Brain pumping out

Then all the people talk
'Cause, God, it's so obvious.
But can they see that I'm losing
While you get the things you want?

He said he liked me
And I could relate
But then something happened
That I can't recriminate.

And I can't seem to make myself quit.
I've forgotten the things that I have
And the things that I miss
And I'm waiting for reality to sink in.

Hey bitch,
No shit.
Why can't you see
There is no you.
There's only--
Me and the man are at home
But I still feel alone
And I'm feeling so greedy
And desperate for sympathy.
He asks for sex and I just feel so empty.
I neglect myself and his needs simultaneously.

And I can't seem to make myself quit.
I repeat the same pattern
Until I can make myself sick.
And I'm begging for someone to give me a hint.

Hey bitch,
Your wits
Are at an end.
Just give up now.
Let go
Of getting drunk.
Get over it.
Of going out
Back to bed.

There was a boy who was not
All the things that I thought,
But I wanted to tell you
That maybe it could be you.

And I can't seem to make myself quit.
When I realized that it wasn't him
But that you could be it.
But you're leaving, so why should I think of it?

Hey bitch,
You're all alone.
Boys will be boys.
They come and go.
The world is at
Your fingertips.
Control the words
That cross your lips.
You can't hang on,
So get a grip.
You stand back up
Each time you slip.
Take your advice,
You hypocrite.

Why do you do this to yourself?
Why do you have to risk your health?
You're rich in love
But broke in wealth.
Why can't you spend it
On yourself?

I woke up next to you this morning.

It was a day like any other.
I came home and you were waiting for me
Like you do every day.
I accidentally matched with you today.
We seem to do that time to time.
Everyone made fun of us
And I hoped you didn't mind.

I accidentally took your wallet
And brought it back when I went over there.
You wouldn't even kiss me
And said you're done with this affair.
And now I sit here wondering
What if I didn't bring it back
And let you sleep on it for a night?
What if you came over the next day
When things were still alright?
Now I'll wake up everyday
Wondering if things would've turned out this way.

No amount of sleep or time will make this any different.
You will never be mine. All that's mine is torment.
But for a second, I thought you would be.
I thought that you could never leave me.
I thought you couldn't make me go,
But as I feel my heart keep shrinking,
I know all that shit I thought about you
Was nothing more than wishful thinking.

You told me I should be treated better
Than everyone has always treated me
But I am just a begger
For situations like these.
And I still can't understand
How you could say some shit like that
Then leave me with an empty hand,
Falling farther off the track
Without giving it a second thought.
Why are all these assholes here
But the one that matters still is not?

Yes, I remember everything today
From the smell of your shirt
To your face when I walked away.
I will remember this until I die
Cause I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

And you cannot imagine all the ways you will be missed.

I'll miss your corny jokes
And how you like to match your clothes.
I'll miss the times we used to smoke
And all our television shows.
I'll miss your nervous habits
And our favorite yogurt shop.
I'll miss you more than I could admit,
And I hope to God it stops.
I'll miss the times you made my cry
Then stayed up all night just to fix it.
I'll miss the color of your eyes
And how you never could commit.

I'll miss the times you said you loved me.
I think I'll miss that most of all.
You seldom ever said it,
But when you did I felt invincible.

How can you do this
Without being so morose?
How can you act like I'm not here
When we both know that I'm so close?
I watched you walking to your car
Then watched you drive away
And wondered if you were going somewhere
Or just trying to get away.

I wonder if you will forget me
And how long 'till you move on.
I wonder if she'll be as pretty,
If you'll be glad that I am gone.
I wonder if she'll wipe your tears
And stand exactly where I stood
And say the things I always wanted to say
But never felt I could.
I wonder if you'll really love her
Or treat her differently than me
Or if you'll make love with her to Enya
Like you had done with me.

And even though I want to call
For a minute, or fifteen
I cannot even read your name
On this shitty little screen
Without breaking down and dwelling
On the things we'll never be
All the things we'll never know.
All the things we'll never see.

The places we won't go,
And that poem you'll never read.
But I swear that one was happy
Cause I wrote it when you loved me.
Now you have nothing to show from this,
There's nothing left of me.
It's like it never happened,
Still I wonder

Will you think of me?

When you see a shade of blue
Or hear a song that we made love to
Or when you bring home mashed potatoes
And have to eat them by yourself?
Or if you see a girl that's smoking,
Doesn't give a shit about herself?
Will you think of me each time you see
A Buick on the street?
While watching Lebowski?
Or when you lose your keys?

Because God knows everyday of mine
Will be spent thinking of you.
And all the things I always wanted
That I always thought we'd do.

But I was wrong about everything.
And though it's not a crime,
I'm sorry that I loved you
And that I won't come back this time.



LadyFarthington's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
Ohai. I am Lady Farthington, or Paggle/Pag/Peeg. I have a degree in Psychology with a minor in Applied Behavior Analysis. Art and photography are a hobby of mine. I have some old poetry in my journals, but I haven't gotten around to writing any new ones. XD Don't hate!

If you'd like to purchase some of my art or have me do a project for you, contact me!

And for the record: Not here to flirt or look for boyfriends/girlfriends. If you like my stuff, like it. If you're gonna be all pervy/creepy I'll probably ignore you... XD (Respectable compliments/comments are much appreciated. <3)

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GioArturi Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2016
Happy Birthday, marvelous lady!! :rose: :cake: :party: :sun:
Thanks for your fine and adorable self-portraits! I really hope you can post some more soon! :heart: :love: :kiss: :hug:
acurmudgeon Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2016
Happy birthday!  :cake:
itsmyccrets Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy Birthday Ms Paige :tighthug:
LordMaverick Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday!!
QCC-Art Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
A gallery of fantasy images for you to enjoy:…

Compliments of the QCC Art Gallery :)
GioArturi Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2015
Happy Birthday, lovely lady!!! :rose: :cake: :party: :sun: :hug: 
Thanks for your wonderful and adorable portraits! :heart: :love: :kiss:
itsmyccrets Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy Birthday Peeg!!!
WereKatt Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2015
Hope you have a great birthday!!!
8bitgamer-ben Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy BDay
Kniggets-Could-Have Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
:party: :cake: Happy Birthday!! :D
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