LadyFarthington

What are these feelings that seem so unnatural,
Yet so instinctual.
Typical?
Factual.
When we're together it seems clearly obvious,
But when I'm alone it's unbearably dubious.
You say you don't love me and ask me to get away.
Your needs are met, and mine stifle into decay.
It's just a pattern of mine, always discontent.
Maybe I'm picky and not so resilient.

He likes to touch me in ways that you fail to do,
But would I miss it if I finally got to you?
Or maybe the problem is what I'm deprived of
By being too caring and not selective enough.
I could take a chance to find out what's been missing
In hopes that you'll show me. Dear God, I'm insisting.
But how many times can I throw myself on to you?
Another rejection would sever my heart in two.
He's always been here, but you've never had a shot.
If I can leave him, can you be the things he's not?

This. Shit. Terrifies me.
I can't let him down again
But. What. If. You were He?
The One. My future husband.
Can. You. Take me for me?
After the way I crushed you?
I. Guess. We'll wait and see.
These things I've put you through.
I. Am. Mentally busted.
Please mind the warning signs.
My heart cannot be trusted.
But I fell for you.
I fell for you.
I love you,
But
You don't love me too.

We fight. And I push you away.
It's obligatory.
Inside, I'd like you to stay.
Don't leave me.
Please, don't leave me.
I've made my bed, and I'll lie.
But I can't ask you to.
Yes, I deserve the shameful strain,
But I never meant to hurt you.

You bring joy in all my pain,
And I can never repay you.
I have so much I could gain
If I'd just let you in,
But so much has happened.
And I'm waiting here...
And you're waiting there...
And he's waiting here...
And she's waiting there...
It's too much to bear.

Can we figure it out
Or will the chance be missed?
Can we get over the doubt?
And will we ever kiss?
I planned to open my mouth,
My arms, and spread my lips
But your brought her to my house
And I lost my grip.
My footing slipped.
My heart was broke
And it's not been fixed.

Poor things.
Oh, what a mess I've made
Poor things.
Let's end this escapade.
Poor things.
I've fucked things up again.
Poor things.
The time is coming when
I can tell the truth
And pick my route
And hopefully
It leads to you.

But maybe
None of you are this crazy,
And I'm the only one that can save me.
I guess I'll see who's left waiting.

Poor things.

I drink gallons of wine and sift through terror every night
To make myself sleepy.
Not the best of therapy.
The irony,
It's guaranteed
And maybe mostly creepy.
It's depressing. It seems distressing
But it doesn't bother me.
Numb stimulation happening
Still
In love with the TV set
And trying to self-medicate
With bullshit on the internet.

And I still think of that idiot,
The one that liked my ass.
Still expecting a rendezvous
Mostly accidentally
Or on the street
Or anything at all.

Every fucking distraction cannot
Stifle these thoughts from coming
So my head's in a fantasy
When instead
I should be running.
Same old stresses, the second guesses.
Same old scum.
Getting drunk and later feeling dumb.
It's easy enough to put a phone down.
Happy with a ghost town.
Nobody's out there looking for an anti-social clown

But I
Still wait for that guy to come
And make my heart beat like it did.
The one that's able to say so much
By seldom saying anything
Or doing much of anything
At all.

Better pick yourself up.
You're acting like a slut
And getting more ridiculous
The more you try to cling onto
These things that do not want you.
It's getting treacherous,
My darling,
You keep running off the people that
Like you when you seem different,
Like a person they could like.
But then you say too much,
And bat your eyes
And show your insides.

But I
Still wonder if I could show him
Those things he liked so much.
There's still sides of me that's exciting,
But maybe you can't see the best
Because I showed you all the rest.

I've got tits and ass.
I've got sins and class.
I've got skill.
I make people feel the way I feel.
But love is never equal
And I've got another sequel
For the people with an interest
To stick around and see what's next
In this life that's not mine
Because I want you all the time.
Oh, yes.
He is just the best
And I'm in a trance
With a dumbass who won't get inside my pants.

There was a boy who had stopped
Just to look at me.
But it was different.
The man
Left me trembling.

Something amazing has happened
To me today.
I would have told you
But you don't care anyway.

And I can't seem to make myself quit.
I'm obsessed with things I cannot have
And he won't give a shit.
And I wonder when reality will sink in.

Hey bitch,
Great tits.
Your wish is my command.
Get what's deserved.
You're better--
Then he's sitting there across
And I'm just a loss
Drowning in silly feelings.
Brain pumping out
Chemicals.

Then all the people talk
'Cause, God, it's so obvious.
But can they see that I'm losing
While you get the things you want?

He said he liked me
And I could relate
But then something happened
That I can't recriminate.

And I can't seem to make myself quit.
I've forgotten the things that I have
And the things that I miss
And I'm waiting for reality to sink in.

Hey bitch,
No shit.
Why can't you see
There is no you.
There's only--
Me and the man are at home
But I still feel alone
And I'm feeling so greedy
And desperate for sympathy.
He asks for sex and I just feel so empty.
I neglect myself and his needs simultaneously.

And I can't seem to make myself quit.
I repeat the same pattern
Until I can make myself sick.
And I'm begging for someone to give me a hint.

Hey bitch,
Your wits
Are at an end.
Just give up now.
Let go
Instead
Of getting drunk.
Get over it.
Instead
Of going out
Go
Back to bed.

There was a boy who was not
All the things that I thought,
But I wanted to tell you
That maybe it could be you.

And I can't seem to make myself quit.
When I realized that it wasn't him
But that you could be it.
But you're leaving, so why should I think of it?

Hey bitch,
Admit
You're all alone.
Boys will be boys.
They come and go.
The world is at
Your fingertips.
Control the words
That cross your lips.
You can't hang on,
So get a grip.
You stand back up
Each time you slip.
Take your advice,
You hypocrite.

Why do you do this to yourself?
Why do you have to risk your health?
You're rich in love
But broke in wealth.
Why can't you spend it
On yourself?

I woke up next to you this morning.


It was a day like any other.
I came home and you were waiting for me
Like you do every day.
I accidentally matched with you today.
We seem to do that time to time.
Everyone made fun of us
And I hoped you didn't mind.


I accidentally took your wallet
And brought it back when I went over there.
You wouldn't even kiss me
And said you're done with this affair.
And now I sit here wondering
What if I didn't bring it back
And let you sleep on it for a night?
What if you came over the next day
When things were still alright?
Now I'll wake up everyday
Wondering if things would've turned out this way.


No amount of sleep or time will make this any different.
You will never be mine. All that's mine is torment.
But for a second, I thought you would be.
I thought that you could never leave me.
I thought you couldn't make me go,
But as I feel my heart keep shrinking,
I know all that shit I thought about you
Was nothing more than wishful thinking.


You told me I should be treated better
Than everyone has always treated me
But I am just a begger
For situations like these.
And I still can't understand
How you could say some shit like that
Then leave me with an empty hand,
Falling farther off the track
Without giving it a second thought.
Why are all these assholes here
But the one that matters still is not?


Yes, I remember everything today
From the smell of your shirt
To your face when I walked away.
I will remember this until I die
Cause I wasn't ready to say goodbye.


And you cannot imagine all the ways you will be missed.

Don't come any closer
'Cause I'm not feeling well.
I might lose my composure,
But at least I have my health.
There seems to be a sickness,
Or is it in my head?
If business is business,
I'd pick daffodils instead.

And I'm still trying to forget.
I hang on every word you said.
Stare at the television set.
Is this as good as it will get?
A little girl was weeping,
So a boy dried up her tears.
He lays next to her sleeping
And she wants to disappear.
She loves him just the same now
As she did the day they met.
But love keeps letting her down
And now she's trying to forget.

I'm breaking into a cold sweat...
This shit is like Russian roulette!
Raise high your swords and bayonets!
Is this as good as it will get?

Cumshot queens and orgies.
You're living in a dream.
I stayed up through the morning
And you slept through everything.
He said that she meant nothing,
That I'm the one that he puts first.
It all was very touching,
But he keeps leaving me for her.

And I'm still trying to forget.
You only do it for the sex.
I smoke another cigarette.
Is this as good as it will get?

I can't stop the bleeding,
But I am still intact.
I guess there's no sense leaving
Cause we both know that I'll come back.
I'm dying just to touch you,
But you don't see me here.
If now I cannot love you,
I think I'll wait another year.

And I'm still trying to forget.
I hang on every word you said.
My brain is rotting in my head
Is this as good as it will get?



Ribs cracking under my fingertips.
Pulling until the aorta rips.
Why have a heart when you feel no pain
And when you don't use it anyway?

Ribs cracking under my fingertips!
Pulling until the aorta rips!
Why have a heart when you feel no pain
And when you don't use it anyway?!



Unrelenting silence.
I pour another glass.
You know I would have told you,
But I just wanted you to ask.

I just wanted you to ask.